The only people I find attractive are people I cannot have.
I realized today that I’ve never been attracted to someone who was available, in any sense of the word. They tend to be:
unattracted to me in return.
straight girls who look like Katherine Moenigg because it’s fashionable.
abusive, arrogant sadists whom I’d want in jail after one night.
my veterinarian who’s happily married with child.
dead set on Brad Pitt
So when we’re making out, and you feel I have no pulse, know that it’s not you. I’ve waited almost 25 years to feel something in response to another’s touch, and I can keep on waiting. My mind and my hand do me just fine for now thankyouverymuch.